


Going Mad

by StrangeMadMax



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Abuse, Child Abuse, Cutting, Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-08-08 21:52:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16437488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrangeMadMax/pseuds/StrangeMadMax
Summary: More things go on in my head then I care to admit. I keep more secrets than I would like. And things hurt me more than people would know.





	1. Glass and Bruises

**Author's Note:**

  * For [All those struggling with abuse](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=All+those+struggling+with+abuse).



I panicked. Slamming the door as fast as I could, I turned the lock. My breath wouldn’t slow. I felt the familiar pressure behind my eyes. The door thundered with the weight of a thousand elephants.   
“Max!” Billy yelled. The tears began to form. My heart pounded. Stomach twisted, I turned towards the window. My only way out.  
“Open up!” He screeched as his fist hit the door. “Or I’ll have to open it up myself!” A whimper escaped my lips. I felt like fugitive in my own home. I tugged at the window. Stuck. I had to calm myself. It would be alright. Ignoring the pounding, I steadied myself. Using the sliver of bravery I still had left I yelled back with all the fury I had built up over the last twenty minutes.  
“Go ahead then, open and kill me! I’d prefer it anyways!” Bad idea. After one last slam, the door failed. Billy busted in screaming a slur of the worst threats. I screamed and backed into the farthest corner.   
“Get away! Stop!” I yelled through my teary eyes. He slammed into me, hands on my neck he looked down on me. “You won’t ever disrespect me again.” He growled. I coughed through my sobs, trying desperately to wrench his hands off. “You hear me!” He screamed slamming me against the wall. Stars flooded my already blurry vision. I gasped for air. Things began to develop black dots. “You hear me!” He screamed slamming me again. I nodded with what little capability I had. Then he threw me. I flung into my bedside table causing my lamp to fall. Then, it was like failing asleep.   
Sting. That’s how I awoke. Young sunshine poured through the window. My face pressed against the floor. My head swam. I lifted myself up only to cry when something sharp sliced my hand. That’s when I looked around. Glass everywhere. Shards of my mother’s childhood lamp covered my room like a layer of dust. I lifted my hand. Blood dripped steadily from the deep cut the glass had given me. Slowly I navigated a way to my feet. Cuts covered my bare arms and legs. All the blood was dry. Dry. In a frenzy I turned to the clock. Fifteen minutes till I had to leave. I used my bed to make it to the other side of my room. Painfully, for I was sore, I made it to the bathroom. Gasping, I saw my reflection. My neck was covered in bruises from where Billy’s hands had been. My arms looked awful, along with my legs. Fourteen minutes till school. I dashed to my closet(there was no glass there) and pulled out a turtle neck and some pants. I had no time for anything else. Hand still bleeding I struggled to get dressed.   
“Max!” It was my mom. “Come on!” She yelled from another room. “Hold a sec!” I yelled back. I searched around for something for my hand. In the end I left with a sock tied around, it still hadn’t stopped bleeding. But there was no time to worry about that. Grabbing my book bag and unfinished homework. I was off. “Bye Mom!” I called through the door as I left the house. Dropping my skateboard on the ground I went. I was going to be late anyway, added on top to the factor that Billy left without me, meaning I would have to skate to school.


	2. Tardys and Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends don’t lie. So Max can’t either.

I arrived late. Not sure how late, but I knew there was no way I made it on time. Picking up my skateboard, I took a deep breath. Lucas, Dustin, Will and Mike were going to notice my sweater for sure. It was May. Not cold enough to wear the turtle neck I was wearing now. Then again they all sucked at fashion anyway. Limping, because my legs were stinging with relatively new cuts, I knocked on the history classroom door. Mrs. Stager opened it, giving me the eye.  
“Late again, Maxine?” She golfed in her know it all voice.  
“Max.” I mumbled under my breath. I stepped inside and everyone was staring.  
“You disrupted our quiz.” She added. Handing me a paper she pointed to my desk. Biting my lip I walked without a limp, rather stiffly, to my seat. Mike, who was sitting in the desk in-front of me, looked at me questioningly, eyeing the sock on my hand. 

I failed the quiz in first period and had unfinished homework for the other two, but at least it was now lunch. I was skipping food today, I just wasn’t hungry. Lucas and Will sat down next to me and Dustin and Mike across. I tried my best to act normal.  
“Guys up for the arcade after?” Will asked. Dustin shook his head.  
“Can’t I promised my mom I’d help clean the garage out.” He moaned. “Well we could all come over and help.” Mike suggested. My throat twisted.  
“I shouldn’t...” I mumbled. I felt my face turn slightly red. I was an outing person but I hated even remotely mentioning anything to do with my brother. Lucas’ gaze met mine.  
“You can’t let him scare you like that.” He said softly. Without even thinking my hand went to my neck. Once I realized what I had done I yanked my hand away.  
“Yeah, I forgot to ask about your sweater.” Mike added. I quickly formulated a lie.  
“Everything else was dirty, that’s all.” I murmured, brushing it off. But for some odd reason I began to cry. I didn’t even feel like it, I guess I just realized for the first time that I was that kid. The kid that is forced to hide the fact that they are abused at home. Then it struck me that I am abused, I always knew my family was different but I never identified myself as abused. Trying to stop the tears, Lucas pulled me into a hug. When he let go, I was still crying. Everyone looked awkward and confused.  
“Why are you crying?” Mike asked. At first I wanted to say something like’Mind your business stalker’ but these were my friends I trusted them, and they trusted me with their secrets. I eyed the lunch room.  
“I’ll say after school.”

The rest of the day I was scared, what would they say? I had to remind myself that I was Mad Max and I was tough, and that I could take it. I had built up this appearance to cover my insecurities and weaknesses, but lately the wall has been eroding, slowly relieving my tragic and pathetic life. By the time the bell rang I was just ready to get the awful events of last night off my chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am posting the first few chapters I wrote right now, each chapter is around 500 words.


	3. Truths and Kindness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Supportive friends support through all times.

The guys stood in the empty gym while I changed into shorts and a tank top. My heart thumped. I couldn’t believe that this was actually happening. Slowly I made my way to the door. Right outside they waited. I swallowed. And I went for it. At first, when I opened the door they didn’t look right away but then they turned and saw. They saw my glass cut body and they saw the two massive bruises on my neck. My strength deteriorated. I began to weep. The didn’t react at first. Their mouths just hung open. My body shook with sobs. I bit my lip trying to hold it in.   
“Max...” Lucas said vaguely. I couldn’t handle the silence.  
“I know,” I moaned. “I’m supposed to be all tough and now I’m just a pathetic piece of ****, and I get that I should be able to stand up to him, but I’m just being a baby. I mean I guess I deserve it anyway, I mean I can’t get anyone to like me to begin with-“ Lucas cut off my rambling.  
“Max, stop. You are not pathetic, in fact this just proves that you are tough.” He stepped towards me before continuing.  
“This also proves that you aren’t just a ***** riding on a skateboard, you have a softer side. And that’s because you are human Max.” He finished and from his eyes I could tell he meant every word. His eyes weren’t just hollow, they had emotion, almost a sort of love in them. And at the same time he seemed desperately lost. I couldn’t help but feel that it was because of me. I stood silent for a moment, exposed. With all my bruises and cuts, not from just last night, but from every time I had dared disobeyed the great and powerful Billy. Honestly I was just done with this entire situation.   
“So... what exactly happened to you?” Dustin asked. “I mean I get it was Billy,” he added, as to not sound stupid. I inhaled, here goes the graphic part.   
“Well, I made him mad, I know that part was my bad. But then he tried to attack me so I ran into my room and locked him out. He obviously made it in. And...” I couldn’t bring myself to even recall the event. It scared me. I had to finish though. The boys had their eyes wide open and were clinging to every word.   
“And.” I continued, “He, you know, grabbed my neck and hit my head against the wall a couple of times.” I reached for the back of my head subconsciously, feeling the lump. “Then he kinda threw me into the night stand causing the lamp to break on me.” I summed it up with a huff. “I don’t remember after that,” I added. We stood in silence as the boys took it all in.   
“You should tell someone,” Will breathed, ending the silence.  
“Danger should be in the upside down, not your own home,” Mike pointed out. Suddenly, I became scared, what if they told an adult?  
“Please don’t tell, I wouldn’t live to see another day if you did.” I begged. Hesitant at first, they nodded. All looking solemn, I turned to go change.


	4. Thoughts and Windows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Depressing is going home, depressing is her mother’s eyes, depressing is the glass shattered on the floor.

I was numb. Like I was a video game, just being controlled by an outward version of myself. I skated home again. Apparently Billy didn’t want me in his car, which at the moment, I was okay with. Feeling the cold wind on my face and the relief I felt every time I pressed my foot to the cement to push myself just a little further, I realized why I loved skating so much. It was freeing, a distraction. My hand throbbed a bit. Looking down I realized how gross the sock had become. I took the blood stained sock off my hand as I went. The cut was still tender and had begun to scab over. I cringed. Luckily this was the deepest cut on me. I knew the bruises would heel along with the minor cuts. But this, well this would leave a scar. I heaved a sigh as I rounded the corner to the house. Stopping and scooping my board up I made my way up the driveway. That’s when Neil came out. Hunched over, with a cigarette in one hand and a paper in the other. He wasn’t happy. Cautious to not disturb him, I silently slid into the house. My mother stood in the kitchen cooking. She look frazzled. Her eyes where empty as if she too, where just a video game character. Not truly there. Well, I knew from all the signs and the feel in the room, that there had been a fight. I had no doubt the victim. Part of me felt bad for Billy. I knew underneath that shell he really was just a boy. Longing to play ball with his dad, like the other kids. Instead of cowering begins the couch from his drunk father. He had it worse than I, and i knew that. He had lived with Neil his whole life. I hadn’t. 

My mother cast me a gaze, but looked away quickly, as if ashamed. I boiled. She was pathetic. I strode to my room, and locked myself in. Surveying my room, I wanted to cry. Glass was everywhere. I knew for months to come I would be stepping on glass. As I turned to grab the broom, there was a soft tapping noise. I whirled around confused. There, at the window, was Lucas. His head just visible. His eyes met mine. And behind him, my heart sunk as I saw. Eleven, Mike, Dustin, and Will all stood, waiting. Waiting on me? I thought that after what I had shown them, they would have been scared to be around me. If Neil were to see them, I would be dead. I made my way to the window. Under further investigation, I realized that one of the locks were stuck half way. I pushed it and the window slid open. That would have been helpful last night.   
“What are you doing here?” I hissed. “What if Neil saw you?” Brushing the comment off, Lucas helped me down from the window. I bit my tongue when my hand touched the window sill.  
“Where are you going?” I asked. Lucas gave me a look.  
“Where do you think?” He replied.  
“Obviously the arcade.” Dustin said as if everyone in the universe should know that.


	5. Arcades and Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not every moment is depressing. Not every look is sad. Not every memory is miserable.

Once again, I remained the king of the arcade.   
“Told you I was the master.” I teased Dustin. He rolled his eyes.   
“One day, one day...” he mumbled. I laughed at this. My laughter ended with a smile. This, now this, is what every day should be like. I observed my friends. All cheerful and happy. And for once I felt truly apart of it. I wasn’t faking my smile. It was real. I was inside their bubble of joy and peace. All of my troubles seemed to disappear. We had been at the arcade for hours. No telling how many games we played. And honestly, I didn’t care how mad Neil or Billy would get when I came home broke and past curfew. Because this was happiness, and I needed as much as I could get.   
By the time we left, night had wrapped itself around our little town. Stars spotted the black cape in the sky. A soft breeze rustled through my hair. I turned to Lucas.  
“This was amazing, thank you.” I whispered with a smile. He simply nodded, with an understanding look lingering in his sweet brown eyes.   
Lucas and I parted ways with the others. I heard Dustin’s loud voice echo through the trees as they slowly faded from view. Lucas peddled hard, for he was biking us both.   
“You sure you will be ok?” Lucas asked concerned as we rounded the corner. I took in a deep breath.  
“If I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know. But that’s not new, ever time I come home I don’t know if it’s going to be placid or not.” I said bluntly. Lucas didn’t speak. He just absorbed my words. Finally we arrived at my block. In a sort of silent agreement, Lucas dropped me off before my house was in view. I slid of the bike. And with a little hesitation, I turned and kissed him. Just a quick one, and then I was off. My heart fluttered, I would never tire of his company. I did not turn to see his reaction, I just kept walking. When my house came in to view, I jolted. Billy sat on the steps, just looking into the night. There was no way around it, I would have to walk past him. I held my breath and with my head down, I scurried past the porch. To my delight Billy did nothing. Which shocked me. I risked a glance back. That’s when I saw the purple bruise resting under his cheekbone. I flinched. I knew he was to tired to even care about me right now. I was lucky today. Climbing through my window, I saw all the shards were gone. My mother must have cleaned them up. I sunk into bed, just to lazy to change. Today was a good day. If only every day were like today. My thoughts went back to my friends. They still stuck with me even when most people wouldn’t have. But then again, that’s kind of who they were. They were the type of people that took everyone in, from a science experiment to a possessed boy. We were the group of unwanted misfits, and I loved it.


	6. Emptiness and Ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Desperate times call for desperate measures. And sometimes the measures are a bit too much.

Something about the way I looked in the mirror had been off the past couple of weeks. I was more aware of myself than I had been before. The way my stomach stuck out ever so slightly, the way my smile was just a tad to big for my face. Not only that but things were starting to become numb. The thrill of the arcade was just a bit more dull. Laughter was starting to become more forced and the bed seemed more pleasant than my board. The weird haze I had been in had seemed to grown thicker. Everything seemed vague and unreal. It had been two weeks since Lucas had kissed me. But that didn’t make anything better. I was beginning to worry that I had took it too far and now he just wanted to be friends.   
Exactly two weeks after the kiss. I woke up and realized I needed to change something. I needed to feel real again. To snap back to earth. Just as I threw the covers off my stomach growled. That felt real. I started to head to the kitchen when it clicked. This was the answer. I could just cut off food for a bit and lose some weight and at the same time feel more real. And maybe Lucas would want me more if looked less like a boy and more like a girl. I just needed to slim up. I chucked my school stuff into my bag and I was off. During math first class my stomach growled really loud. Sending an empty feeling through my stomach. I was finally getting control. I could actually control this. Lunch rolled around. I snatched a water before sitting. The food did look good, but I knew it would just make me feel numb. I was already feeling more alive.  
“Where is your food Max?” Will asked, raising an eyebrow. I shrugged.  
“Not in the mood I guess.” I replied. Still confused, they shrugged it off. Dustin went on to talk about girls he had been noticing.  
“Have you seen that blonde girl, Claire I think, she is fine looking if I do say so myself. I was thinking of going up to her during history-“ he was cut off.  
“Dustin, you literally have a new girl every week. You just need to pick one to chase.” Lucas advised.  
“Yeah right, like you have anything to say, you have been flirting with at least three girls the past week.” Dustin accused. My heart stopped.  
“Not true,” Lucas began. But I had heard enough. The ringing in my ears overpowered their argument. So it was true. It wasn’t just my anxiety telling me he didn’t want me, it was true all along. After a minute of staring into the emptiness, I stood and excused myself to the bathroom. And this time when I looked into the mirror, I realized why Lucas didn’t want me. I always assumed looks didn’t matter, and that my personality would draw the right boy to me. But apparently that wasn’t enough. I was beginning to think that maybe the boys wouldn’t notice a few more cuts on my already scrapped up arm.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters will be released every week. Stay tuned, I love writing for Max and I plan to make this long.   
> -SMM


End file.
